just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
