please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
