My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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