Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
