So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
