...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize