is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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