K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize