Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
