I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
