The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
