Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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