Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
