Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
