Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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