i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
