We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize