don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
