I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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