i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
