My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
