I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
