I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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