fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
