Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize