I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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