I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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