omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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