i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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