im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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