He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
