you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize