well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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