Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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