there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
