Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I supernannyed him into submission
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
