Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
