I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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