can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
