I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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