He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
