Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
