I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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