he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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