honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
