I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
