we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
