First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
