It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
