i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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