...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
