I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
