2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
you never un-have a 4some
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
