Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
