peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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