how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
