flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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