he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
