He had one of those small greek statue penises
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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