Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
