I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just found a bag of teeth...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
