Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
