When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
