thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
