and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
