I think my fart just growled at me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
