We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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