I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
