The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
