dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
