$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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