i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We got so high we made milksteak
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
